I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
