Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
These tits shall not be calmed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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