he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
