Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
