apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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