Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
