He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
