You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
