Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
