mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
