He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?