like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry