i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you will always have a special place in my vag
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole