I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
