i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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