his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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