Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
