This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
