Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it hurts more in the daytime
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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