my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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