We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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