I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
