HIV tests are more positive than that guy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize