Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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