she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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