wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
