tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
