His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
bring money and cleavage
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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