I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
