It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
