I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
