i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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