I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
