i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
