Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
