i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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