well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Houston, we have a blender
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
NoShamevember. You game?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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