Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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