at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
