tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she told me i tasted like america
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
