I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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