New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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