I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
