This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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