we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
