she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
