I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
