just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
