I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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