No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
