just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wanna go halves on a baby?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
