Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
