You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
