Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
