Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had to cum in my sink.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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