hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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