All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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