hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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