i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
