We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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