I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?