I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now