So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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