Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.