my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"