I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.