the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
