She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
